the opposite direction

there is no only, count em, 10 days left plus four god awful finals intill my freshman year of college is over!!! this is some crazy ass shit. it still seems like it was like 45 minutes ago that i was just starting my first day, now its over. i saw a commericial for wednsdays that 70s show is going to the shows 150th eppy. i vividly rember the nite that it was first on. it was a sunday beforw my first day of 8th grade plus it was going to be my first day at central too. i was so fucking scared it wasnt funny. oh how time flies when ur bored and lonly eh. well friday nite was fun as always. hung with mt nate and amber. had some dinner at pizza hut hung out played some vidoe games and downloaded porn on my brotheres computer. had a great time. i dont know how i would still be alive today if it wasnt for them. that is like the 100th time i have said something to that affect about nate and amber but i repeat so many times only because it is so very true. talked to my amber tonite. i miis her soo much now, over the weekend i thought to myself that any real relationship eith her is not possible but i still hope that by the time we go to the beach in june that i somehow manage to be going out with her. on last weeks eppy of the greatest show ever "the o.c." at the very end marrisa and ryan and seth and summer were all laying on i think, marrisas bed and the first and only think i could think of was how much at hope that one day very soon that will be me, my amber, nate and amber together as bf/gf and best friends. if that would happen i would deff. the happiest and luckiest guys on the face of this planet :). i can hope, i already of 3 quaters of the ouzzel in place just need to fill the hardest one of all. i miss her sooo much. i cant beiliev that it has been a month now since i have seen her. ohh well, hopefully this week will fly by accept for when i am talking to amber. off to sleeep. amber!!!!!!!!!!! yep! later dayz, salut.

music: pink floyd - mother

i have seemed to get into a pretty regualry patteren to end my weekdays latly. party poker, listen to some tunes and blog it up. oh well, its been keeping me sane, i guess. so i could say that today sucked cause i gignt talk to amber at all. she came online at instantly had an away message and never came back then singed off around tenish. so that left me feeling pretty shitty. she better be on a ton tomorrow evening, or i will go crazy. hey by noon tomorrow there will be only 12 days left till summer!!! hells ya. i cant wait to be done with class till september. plus it is 12 days closes i will be to seeing my amber for a whole week, i cant wait till iam at the beach this year. i will be living in heaven. i was thinking tonite that i wasnt actaully that into amber when she was at the house a month ago. we had a great saturday nite in the hot tub (holy shit just looked out our window and it is unbelievable foggy out. i can barly see north hall, its like pea soup) and we got along like really good but i didnt really start to fall for her untill we were talking online. so i dont know if what i fell is real or just my fucked up brain playing tricks on my heart. just attaching myself falsing to somrthing just to make myself feel sorta wanted. oh life is soo fucking confusing. i dont get it and prolly never will. i guess that is the main mystery of living. i just want to be in a great indie rock band, play awsome shows to my supporting fans, pour my heart out to them everynite, make enough money to survie sorta nicly( get rid of the escort and drive a 99 benz or somethin) have a nice house out in the woods with a room for my racing stuff, a plsama tv to watch formula one on, a cat, a george forman grill, a big fridge, a comfy bed, and my amber waiting in it everynite when i get home. there that is my americain dream. god i ask u to guide me to my dream..wow this is some pretty heavy shit for past midnite, plus i lied in like my first post implieing that i drankl, i dont i have nor prolly ever will drink. i lied a;ot to lots of people and now i feel very fucking shitty and guilty. dont ask me why i am saying this now, but i feel that i will never be able to achieve my dream by lieing anymore. and biggest lie i am telling right now is by not saying anything. i need to tell amber how i really feel about her. i cant live like this anymore. i need her and i need her to know how i feel about her. i need to tell her the truth and pray that i get the response i want in return. the life iam leading now sucks major fucking balls. i am going to by a guitar, form a band, go out with amber, quit college cause i absoultly hate it, get my own place, buy a cat, and when amber graduates high school(ok i really thought she was 17 whe i fell for her, amanda is 17 and i totally forgot that amanda is a dumass and failed like 4 times and amber insnt a dumass and is the right age to be only a sohpmore in high school 15, but im only like 3 years and 4 months older cause her birthday is in july so its not a huge age gap, nates 20 and his amber is only 16 or 17 i dont know which) and i can have my dream, noit 3 more years of bullshit meteo fuck, boring college, doing nothing. i need a change and i hope amber is there for the ride, tomorrow im righting songs all day. i gots lots to say. i love amber, this was a lot to say tonite, everything came rolling out. amber!! i love amber!!!later dayz, slaut.

music: a loss for words - bullets leave holes

ohh was today a real stupid day. it started i guess with my desion thursday nite to skip friday. i was for some reason dreay class today. it made for a very shitty end to my weekend. couldnt get to sleep on sunday nite. practilly freaked out this morning. but it all went well. except for the fact that i totally failed a calc test. oh well, thats the way the cookie crumbles, i guess. then about 5 or so the skys opened up and it has poured since and we are in a flood watch, like that means anything on a moutian, excepte to expect more shitty weather to come. the offical countdown to summer now stands at 14+ still unkown finals, tho i expect that only one, my calc, is culmuative. so i should be okay. then about two to three weeks off till my ass gets a job. hopefully at gallery of sound so i can get free music. that would kick major ass!! dont know whats happen this weekend, most lilkly nate and amber friday afternoon and nite, then home for sleep then to pops for the rest of the time saturday and sunday. i sooo cant wait till summer!! this will be the absolute best summer ever, if its not, well ill be dead by september. well to what these now adays are all about. my AMBER!! had an awsome convo with her this evening. and for the first time i felt that she was heavily flirting with me. at that point my heart was floating away. i am falling more and more inlove with here everyday. i think it is time for me to sat how much i miss her. ill be quick with that tonite. i miss her lots!!!!! i cant wait to see her again. i need to be with. i pretty much have like four friends at this point in my life that i see reguallry not up here at psu(about another four up here(headed by lisa, had a thing for her before amber, still something there? i dont know?but my heart is souly ambers)) i need her to be in my life because if she wasnt my head would explode!! i love amber carnuccio!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i love ya amber!!!!!!!!! ohhhh....i guess she is pretty much the only thing really keeping me above water right now. a big thank you to the rich cunt who created instant messaging. dude, u saved my life. well itstime for lights out and my sleeppin in day!! hell ya!!! later dayz, salut.

music: staind - zoe jane

happy easter to everyone. mine was very dull. as expected tho. weekends have come to suck latly. except for fridaynites with nate and amber. had a great time out with them again this past friday. lets just say i dont know where i would be with out them in my life. the have come unto my life with such a big presence it is unbelievable. i love both of them soo much. they mean the world to me. ohh skipped class on friday too. soo i gots a calc test to make up tomm. or should i say a cals test to fail tomorrow. oh well. thats life. tho eaqster did suck, i did get some 'unofficial' beyond excellent news. as of now, my amber is coming with us too the beach!!!!!! oh my god, this is sooo great. and if for some reason, that amanda doesnt take her, i would invite a guest w/ me for sure!!! i want to spend a week with my amber in the same house. if she doesnt have anybodt by then.. she will have me!! i will do my damndest to get her to be my girlfriend. i will pour my heart out too her. she has no clue how much she means to me. over the past month she has pretty much been the only person i have talked to online. we have had some great convos online. but it is nothing compared to actually seeing her!! i miss her soooooo much. god, i just want to hold her in my arms. she is soo beautiful. she is sooooo beautifullll. i think that i love her!!!!ohhhhh. i hope that very soon she feels the same way about me that i do about her. i wishi could recoolect some more memories from the beach last year, when i didnt even know her. we had a week then and i threw it away to ignorance. i have kicked myself in the ass everyday for the past month knowing that i did that. well its time for some sleep. later dayz, salut.

music: the dandy warhols - we used to be friends

hola...four years of spanish right there. just got done watchin uconn win the national championship. game sucked mostly. ga tech tried to come back fell short. i have now started the official countdown to summer in my profile. t-19 days plus finals tho i dont know when yet untill they release the schedule. hopefully there are all on monday so i can fail them and get home quicker. i emailed my friend from high school i havnt seen since gradation. hopefully he sends me some back. if not..i really wouldnt care. if you noticed i havnt mentioned a certian persons name yet. through yesturday and today we only were able to aim tag..shes away..im away..and tonite when she cam eon she was on only a minute then went up to her freind katies then to her sisters. ahhh...i miss her sooooooo much...god i need to dee her soon..or i will go crazies. next weekend should be half decent..no amber tho :(. ester..means at least one present and a shit load of candy. prolly play ps2 w/ the bro alot. tell u how much i miss amber. well its already midnite and tomorrow i can sleep till noon so i need to hits the hay so i can get my twelve gours of beuaty sleep...later dayz, salut.

music: finley quaye & william orbit - dice

its soo great to procrastate the entire freaking semester. 200 pages left and paper to write about it by 11am monday morning. and its gonna wait even longer!! last nite was pretty cool. some shit i ddont even want to included happen...which us weird for me... but all in all had a great nite. adult was well i guees what i excepeted. lots of porn and porn accesories. didnt buy anything. nate got 2 dvds and miller got a portable pussy. yep... u read that rite. got to bed after formula one decade at the 94 imola g.p. in which senna was killed. it was just one hell of a race weekend. hopefully nothing like that ever happens again. u knew that this was comming. my amber hasnt been back from away at all today online. which suxs. i havnt talked to her in like almost 2 days now. ahhhh. im about to loose it. i hope that she is on sometime tonite so we can talk again finally. (2 days is like forever!!!) i miss her soooo much now. god i just want to see her soo bad. when she finally comes back we are gonna have such agreat time together. i cant wait. and hopwfully she ends up going to the beach with us, cause if we are going out by then...she will br my guest and if we arnt we will have a whole week and by the end of it we will be sooo freaking close...ohh i so want everything to work out for me... and need someone in my life rite now soo bad...im sick if being alone...i need amber to be in my life... i have never felt this way ever about anyone before. i figured after i bot started on her it would take up a good feal of space so thats why i started with whats happen. cause amber has been the only thing on my mind for the past 3 weeks. she is all i can think about!!and it is strange how it happened. she was comig up and i was almost like oh god...who cares... and the nite we spent together was so amazing...i couldnt believe how great she was. i couldnt imagine how i didnt think of her this way before. ahh she is still away...she soo needs to come back!!! oh well im gonna go sit in a corner and wait for my amber to come back. later dayz, salut.

music: nada surf - popular

ohh its a rainy thursday nit up at hazelton. and im bored out of my mind. as useally. just got done talking to my amber online. and i actually earilier this week was trying to prevent myself from falling for her, but all atempts were futile. she is just sooooo great. i love talking to her soo much. i miss her soo much too. i cant wait till i get to see her again, but the problem is i dont know when that is gonna happen. god i hope soo much that it is next weekend, but i sorta dont cause next weekend is the aa(ncaa bball 04 tourny w/ bro and friends) so i prolly couldnt get to spend much time w/ her. and when she comes again i want to spend the entire weekend with her. pretty much every waking minute plus the ones that arent :). when i started my blog back in december i never thought that it would end up being about a gilr that im falling in love with. ohhh in other news(yes the is some) i cant wait till tommorow nite!! back out with nater and amber. they are always the perfect end to my otherwise shitty week(other than talking to my amber, not nates, this could get confusing!!) plus i know that we will be going to adult world (our local porn store) seeing as i just turned of age. so we are gonna be buying the store out of rubber dicks. plus some hardcore lesbian porn!! well maybe. this weekend will prolly suck. going out to the pops house. soo thank god for aim and hopefully my amber will be on alot so i can enjoy something this weekend. i miss her!! did i mention that yet. i now know what real love is. yep...seeing as i should be bitching about something...tho i havnt seen the news in like a month( is there still an iraq?) all i have done is watch fox and espn(news) so unless it happend on the o.c. or at a basketball game i dont know it happend. well its time to hits the hay....ill keep u up to date... finally j.g. can rip...miss u man. later dayz, salut.

music: nada surf - if you leave