Tuesday, June 28, 2005
hey hey hey. sorry for the lack of news lately but not much to say. just been chilling lately. downloading music the pirate that i am. argggg. oh well. hung out with scrap and yacian tonite. that was fun. other than that nothing. been sorta lonely lately. just in an overway. but in that way too. last nite i was really just wishing i was with krista frey right at that second. i just needed to hold her in my arms. but, she wasnt here with me. i miss her so much. well thats bout it for now. love you. krf <3.
music: the spill canvas - one fell swoop cd
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music: the spill canvas - one fell swoop cd
Tuesday, June 21, 2005
jeez, the last few days a lot has happened. so hmmm, where to start. get back from the beach on saturday, go str8 to bretts and hang out there for a while. then get back her and pretty much just die watchin the 24 hours of la mans. i watch that on sunday along w/ the excellenct car usgp. then i talked to amber and find out what loevly thing nate has done now. he was being gay as useally. ugh....pisses me of so much. she was like really this close to eneding it but.... nope. then monday. it just keeps getting better. talked to hamber alot on line. thought her and korrine might be able to come over and hang out but that didnt happen. then at supper, the phone rings......its krista kay. to say i was shocked was an understament. we talked for bout 20 mins i think. it was all just like stuff but the first thing she asked me was if i have anybody, and of course i say no, casue i dont. but that was it. nothing eles. im trying not to think about it that much, and tonite helped with that. but, she is alwasys in my heart. she will always mean the world to me. and maybe down the road, we can get back together. i would like that. then comes today. get up, go to bretts. there for the afternoon. get back home. nate comes to give me the beach house key and my cds and shit. we talk for about a half an hour. he leaves to go get amber at krista nees. then scrap and davie call me. i go over to davies house, pick them up we go to taco hell and then drive around a bit till my celly rings. its nate. he says he has a present for me. he is still at kristas house. next thing i know, im talking to krista. god, hearing her voice was sooo good. so i go to her house. my present was a mgd. but i got to see my KRISTA NEE!!! god, it felt so good to hug her. she looked so good at her house. then nate and amber left and i went with her to the ho for ice cream. but there, she didnt seem like her self again. she was quite. like not even talking to me. it pissed me off. i dont see her for a month, and then i do, and its like im not even here. so we leave the ho, and she stops at the liqour store, she gets me a bottel of captian :). yay alchol. i met her back at her house, and i get gretted with, i got to take the kids in the house quick, casue michael threw up in the car, and ed will be home in like 3 mins, and micheal keeps saying kevin. (god i love you micheal) (and alton) so i take the kids into the house, go back out and get my booze, and hug krista nee goodnite, it was a pretty long hug. a couple of times ealier, she did the hand thing with me, after we let go of our hug. god, it was so great to see her, and hold her in my arms. but no, im alone, and missing he even worse than ever. god....i miss her so much already. i was reminded of last summer so much when we were at the ho. i love her so much. god its not fair. why was she so quite at the ho? why everything. she was so beatufill tonite. god. well thats all for now. thanks for calling me krista kay. it was so great to her your voice and know you were still thiniking about me. and krista nee. i held you in my arms so close to my heart just 2 hours ago. your heart was beating next to mine. we were one. when will i not have to run away from that mooment. when we are one. i love you. you are my one. get some sleep tonite please. ur killing urself rite now. god, for the kids, take care of urself. nite my angel. i love you! krf <3.
music: taking back sunday - ...slow dance on the inside
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music: taking back sunday - ...slow dance on the inside
Thursday, June 16, 2005
So a year has gone by and what the fuck has changed. I had my first two loves. Which ended up causing me more pain then love in the ling run I guess. A year ago I was right here saying how much this trip could have been better if amber was here with me. And I think I was happier then. I know I was. A couple of things have happened this week that really have fucked my up. Both happening yesterday. One, krista nee called amber and didn’t talk to me. That upset me more than I think anything. Its like she knew I was here, but never mind, im nothing to her anyways, why would she want to talk to me. And last nite b4 bed nate and amber got in a fight over who the hell knows what, she sleeps on the couch. And then this mornig and the rest of today everything is fine. Im just sick of him treating her like fucking shit and getting away with it every FUCKING time. That really upset me. More than it ever has b4. Its just so not rite, and I cant take it anymore, he treats her like a fucking object, not a person, a wonderful person that she is. And I know cock bag does the same thing to krista nee. Also knowing that kay was actually coming at one point, has really made me realize how much I fucking miss her too. God I knew this trip was gonna be depressing with no korrine. I should be saying how we hit it off and are going out or something, but im not. Im soo alone. More than ever. I really just want to walk off into the ocean. Im so alone. I hate it. I have so much love to give....but for what. FOR WHO. I miss krista nee so much. Does she know I think about her so much. Does she care. She did this to me. I couldn’t help it. She came on to me so hard it wasn’t funny. And no im here, alone. And she has what. Nothing. God I wish she would just fucking call me. I need to know if she still loves me, or should I say loves me like she did. God I misss her. Why don’t I have her like I use to. I remember when I asked krista nee to come here, she said she couldn’t but if she could be would be sharing a room. And now im in that room. Alone, thinking about her. Wishing I was holding her in my arms and making love to her. But why does my life go so wrong so quickly, why did she stop loving me. Kay that is. What did I do to fuck that up. Then she like totally shunted my progress with frey. And I still havnt recovered. Maybe I will someday. I cant wait much longer. My clock is ticking faster everyday, and soon, my time bomb will hit zero. Miss and love you with all my heart. Krf <3.
Music: dashboard confessional - screaming infidelities
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Music: dashboard confessional - screaming infidelities
Friday, June 10, 2005
hey hey. today was ok, but tomorrow is gonna suck. today, guess what, i went to bretts. as alwasy. had fun watched poker. good times. did like nothing else. i think the beach is NOT happening at all. have no car to get there. and since no krista kay or krista frey or korrine or anyone being there w/ me, i really dont feel like going. cause, i know all thats is gonna happen is nate yelling at amber. and i dont want that to happen. casue i know it would. i never had 1 enjoybale vaction ever, why start now eh. so its gonna suck tomrrow. we have no car. i dont want to go. fuck it. argh. this will be my fault of course. everything is. what the fuck is different. if it wasnt so god damn far. err. nevermind. im still missing my krista nee like crazy...god i think about her every waking second. i woder how much she thinks about me. god i miss her. ughhhhhh. im damn tierd of being sad and depressed. i just want to happpy. .....well, thats it for now. back tomrrow? maybe if no beach, if there somehow is beach, ill be back in a week. till then, my heart is yours till fill......miss you and love you. krf <3.
music: emo side project - forgot about dre
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music: emo side project - forgot about dre
Thursday, June 09, 2005
hey hey. today was a waste of my life. did nothing. going to bretts tomorrow. congrats to the class of 05. esp amber and krista kay. thats about it. miss you and heart you. krf <3.
music: coldplay - fix you
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music: coldplay - fix you
Wednesday, June 08, 2005
hola. buenos noches or something like that. how the neck are ya. im blah. as always. today was the same. hung out w/ nate, did nothing. played poker won 15 bucks. yay me. and nothing else happened. im like really feeling fucked up lately. and i dont see an end in sight. hopefully the beach will be good. and i know what i mean by good. casue im starting to think i want that to happen. but, like it will. i wonder if ill see krf before i go to the beach. prolly not. like i even matter to the one person i care about. im sooo fucking sad right now. i just miss her so unbelievable much. its so not fair to not have her in my life anymore, not anymore, but not like it was. god to go back to what it was..... i miss it so much. i havnt seen her beautifull smile in weeks. held her hand, hugged her, felt her in my arms, kissed her. i miss everything she is. everything that i wish she was. ....she has fucked me up emotional so much. she wanted me so bad, and now, its like i dont even exist. its not fair to me, to her, to us. but what is fair anymore... nothing, so ill just go on hoping she will realize that her knight in shining amror is waiting to save her from that hell, from him, and his fucked up mind. she loved me for the great person i am, how i treated her like the goddess she is, and yet, he treats her like dirt. FUCK IT. im done. i miss you sweetheart. everyday i pray u will come back to me. love you. krf <3.
music: coldplay - fix you
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music: coldplay - fix you
Tuesday, June 07, 2005
hey hey world. not much to say i think. today was today. went to bretts brite and early. hung out. came back and bummed the rest of the day. nothing else. no call to go somewhere with someone. so ya that sucked. but what is different these days anyway. no news if anyone is coming to the beach either, like i should even think someone is. lol, im an asshole to myself. tomorrow poker. ya i guess. well thats it for now. love to those who i care about. and may the person i care about the most be resting peacefull on this warm summers nite and be dreaming of me. ily. krf <3.
music: coldplay - fix you
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music: coldplay - fix you
Monday, June 06, 2005
hey hey hey. today was ugh... like any other fucked up day. did nothing. nate and amber came. hung out. i think that something is up with a certian person. dont know tho, scared to know. my life is so depressing ya know. gosh. beach in a week. amber said she is gonna call some ppl to see if they want to come to the beach. god i hope she can find someone. please god. going to bretts tomrrow morning. yay. he was great on the news. i wish i could change everything about my life and who i am. casue its all crashing down around me. and i dont know if i can make it through the fall and get out of the ruble. i miss her sooo much. it was michaels bday party today. hes 4. it just made me think of altons 1st bday party last year. and everything with her, and now something eles. i cant take more and more and more bad news. everyday amber tells me another thing he is doing to ruin her life. im fucking sick of sitting here and seeing the person i loves life fall to peices, when i feel i can save her from falling and she can save me. yet, we both keep tumpling. and i dont know when we will hit the bottom. maybe see her tomorrow. god i hope soo. amber said shes going to the mall with her, and she would call me. i need to see her, and i wish i could tell her everything i want to say to her. casue its all just ready to explode inside me. please let me have the streght to save us from the fall. god i miss you so much, i feel like my life is an empty abyss without you. please come back to me. i need you in my life. sweet dreams my love. may angels sleep on your shoulders. krf <3. always and forever.
music: the starting line - ready
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music: the starting line - ready
Saturday, June 04, 2005
welcome to june. and boy, it just keeps getting better. yesturday i find out korrine is not coming to the beach. so ya im fucking crushed. but whats different. sprinx slept over last nite, we watched brett on the weather. did nothing today as i wanted to. im just so fucking depressed right now, becasue i know what tonite is. and it is just fucinking messed up. havnt really talked to anyybody lately, it sucks. i really messed up now. im soo alone. but why should things be any different. my love is useless......
music: lots of shit...but who cares....
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music: lots of shit...but who cares....
