Tuesday, April 26, 2005
beverly hills....thats where i want to be....indeed. today was borning. school was the same. cant wait for it to be over. im tired. i wish krista frey would like fucking call me. or anything. its so shitty. i bet the next time i talk to her is her telling she and that fucking dickhead are getting married. i swear to god if she does that, i will never talk to hr again. yep. talked to kyle klinger today. havnt talked to him in awhile. got justices email, gonna email him tomorrow. wonder what he is up to. you know, i swear if i was with amber my life would be 1000000xs better. i know that if she would act anything like krista nee with me and shit, stuff would happen. and god, all she does is call me and bitch about nate. its insane. oh, last nite at 11:10 krista nee came on the internet for the first time since 3/24 tho i was away and since it was passed 11 i dont know who it was, who ever it was was only online for like 3 mins then signed off. i wonder who it was and if i was on if i would have gotten a message. i wish she was still on every nite like b4. iv gone from seeing her everyday, to atleast talking to her on the phone everyday, to atleast online everyday, no an email twice a month. ITS SOOOOO FUCKED UP. yep well isnt everything these days. it is indeed. love you both. always <3.
music: weezer - beverly hills
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music: weezer - beverly hills
Monday, April 25, 2005
hi. long time no posty. not much has changed in the last week or so. me and krista kay are cool. we freinds, but i know she wants to be more, and so do i. i got an email from krista frey. two lines, pretyy much just saying she was alive and she missed me. i sent her an email back. something is up with her. even last nite amber said she has been acting different lately. she said she was quite and stuff. im picking amber up in an hour so ill ask her more about whats up with her. i dont know what it is or could be that she is even acting different towards amber. but that sorta makes me feel alittle better about it not just being me. but god i wish i fucking would see her. i miss her so fucking much. last weeek of classses!! sweet. summer 05 is almost here. tho it prolly wont top last summer, i hope it comes close. and if like two good things happen, it could be 1000xs better. i hope it is. i really do .well i gueess ill run for now. love you both. allways.
music: the spill canvas - self-conclusion
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music: the spill canvas - self-conclusion
Monday, April 18, 2005
indeed, it just keeps getting better. so, krista nee and ed went wedding ring shopping. WHAT THE FUCK. she should tell me this shit. she had no right to be mad at me when i started my relationship with kay, but she did. to quote " i cant believ he is doing this to me" . so i have a fucking right to be pissed. she is the one that made me have these feelings. she is the one that just fucking decided to lay all over me. what the fuck was i supposed to do. i reacted. and then started to get feelings for her. which i regret, but it happen. and i still have feelings for her. and she does this, and doesnt even tell me, its like she doesnt talk to me anymore, prolly hoping i just go away or stop having these feelings, thats not the way to treat this. we need to talk about everything. cause if she does something and doenst tell me. i will never talk to her again. never.....i will allways love her, but she would have hurt me so bad. i couldnt let myself get hurt by her again.
music: kelly clarkson - behind these hazel eyes
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music: kelly clarkson - behind these hazel eyes
Thursday, April 14, 2005
not cool. kay called me. i miss her. it sucks. havnt talked to frey. im very confused. i dont know. it alllllll sucks. i just want to be happy. either ofthem make me happy. i dont know.....i just dont know. if frey would get on the god damn internet. its like she doent even care abouit me anymore. and for 2 weeks kay didnt. but its like i know she still has feelings for me. she is just going thorugh way to fucking much right now. im just scared and sad. and lonely....
music: .....
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music: .....
Wednesday, April 13, 2005
ummmmm jelly beans....i love them, today was blah. idol was the balls. my carrie is safe. amber called me. we talked for about an hour. not much about tho. havnnt seen my dear sweet krista nee. tho she sent me an email with her new tatoo. its cute. ya. its all. blah. i dont know anymore. its like she doesnt even care about me anymore. its just not right. if she stopped having feelings for me, she should tell me about it. not just like sorta ignore me. COMMUNACTION. use it. we have cars to go see each other, theres house phones, cell phones, the internet for email and aim, fuck a letter in the bloddy mail. u know. its not the hard. but no, we dont talkk. and its so fucking unfair. and yet, anber tells me that her and ed fight everday. EVERYDAY. there is no way she is happy with him. FUCKING NO WAY. fuck it......not doing thiss tonite.....i love you all. krf <3......
music: queen - bohemian rhapsody
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music: queen - bohemian rhapsody
Monday, April 11, 2005
me and kay are over. for good. i will always love her. she is such a great person. but its for the best. i love you krista kay vandermark, i always will. i will always be ur kevin larue. muah. end. i talked to my krista nee on sunday. only talked to her on the phone for like 5 mins. shes doing good. her birthday is tomoroow. im going texed her at least. i miss her. i just want to see her. and now that me and kay arent toghter. im going try to get her more than ever. i have to.....love u krista nee. alwayys.
music: brand new - soco ameretto lime
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music: brand new - soco ameretto lime
Sunday, April 10, 2005
this may be long. it might not. today was ok. had fun. none. no nate and amber tomorrow which mainly means most likely no krista nee. soooooooo, ya, i cant even go to sleep happy tonite. eith the hope. it blows. i havnt fucking seen her in almost 2 fucking weeks. i havnt talked to her in over a week and a half. ITS SO FUCKING GAY. im really really pissed off. its so not fucking fair. i cant go see her at all. like today, they had a party for her bday or something. and everybody was there, but everybody means the FUCKING ASSHOLE ed. so that means no me. and its like now, shes not online, she doenst call me, she makes no attempt to see me, or even talk to me. i dont get it, and im really gettig pissed off. shes having a bday partay on friday. dont know if he is gonna be ther or not. i dont really care. im starting to get really fed up. b4 i had her still. throught everything i still had her in my life like everyday. but now, theres nothing, nate and amber see her like everyweekedn, the whole weekend. i dont. AND IT FUCKING BLOWS!!!! and im sick of it. im sick of all this bull shit. i dont get it. is she over me. is she. if she is it would be nice if her to let me know this so i can move on with my fucked up life. casue right now, why would i not think she isnt over me. the last time we were alone, we were us. so...ya know. why the fuck would i think anything has changed. god i miss US so freaking much. i want us back. i had us like everyday. even when school had started, i still had us. then she had to go and fucking move in with the fucking asshole. if brett had been able to talk that night, i swear to god, i was ready to end it. i spent the last 4 months falling in love with this girl. and she had the same feelings for me. and she was so great. and perfect. and everything i want in a girl. and she was it. and she was in love with me. and everyday we were toghter. and it was so great. and if i wasnt a fucking pussy, and for some god awful fucking reason respected her relationship with him, i would have made a more forcefull more to get her. but i didnt. cause i didint think she would, but, she would have. she would have. if i gave it my all, everything i could do, i could of. instead i sat there and felt shitty for myself. and look what thay got me. this. all this fucking bull shit. IM FUCKING TIRED OF FEELING THIS WAY. i cant take all this stupiud shit. its to much. its fucking gay. i might not feel this way right now if i like SAW her every once in a fucking while. but i dont. i want to go swiming tomorrrow. i want to see her in her swimsuit. i want her to have her hands all over me. i want to hold her close to me. i want to feel her. i want to kiss her. i want her to come home with me. i want to make love with her. I WANT.im sick of wanting. i need THIS. cause, well, im damn tired of bieng upset. and amber told me that poor freaking kayla has freaking bells paslys. thats so terrible, i cant belive that. shes only 15. i feel sooooooo bad for her. is so sad. to think im having a fucked up life. but, i am still. but it put things in perspetive. but. ya i said it would be long. when am i gonna see my krista nee again. maybe she will call me tomorrow. if im sitting there watahcing the race, and i here, im with you playing, im gonna cry i tihnk. i want to hear her voice. i want to see her. maybe she can say she is going swiming but just come over her. and hang out with me. god, i want that to happen soooo bad. to see her. to be with her, in my room. is sooo great. i.....i dont know. but, things could happen. then what. she goes back to him. and im her even more fucked up. if we kisss or fuck, or something. and the its over, and she leaves. im gonna be like totoally fucked up emotioanly prolly forever. BUT FOR HER, ITS WORHT IT. ya. wellllllllll, fuck off every asss hole. FUCK YOU ED. BURN IN HELLLLLL. im so nice. love you kay kay. miss u. alot. my krista nee. ugh......just calllll me. please. please. i misss you sooo much. u have no idea. i still dont think...nevermind. i miss you sweetheart. i love you with allll my hear. krf<3. im with you hun. allways. love u. ur kevin will always love you. allways...
music: say anything - thoughts on a liberal education
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music: say anything - thoughts on a liberal education
Saturday, April 09, 2005
its the morning. wow, this is odd. im so use to posting at night. but i was bored allready. so here i am. friday was cool. none with either. but had fun with anth, scrab, bone, dave, brett, ben, josh. it was fun. all andys friends are sstill here, so is brett. im bored. dont know if im doing anything with nate and amber today. i really just want to see my krista nee. i really really hope i see here tomorrow. cause it sucks not. she hasnt been online for two weeks. i dont know why. its soooooooooo gay. god i misss her soo freaking much. ugh. it just sucks so much. everything just sucks. i need a smoke. but i cant now. that sucks. everything is gay. i just wish that sometime soon things started getting better. cause things sucking has gone on for way tooooo long. and im tierd of being sad all the time. i just want to be happy. you know. and being happy involes being with krista. its that simple. im alone ever completly happy when im with her. or talking toher. she is the only person in this world that can make me happy.. thats the trtuh. grrrr. thats all i guess. love you alot still ya. snaps for my friday crew. love everone. and sooooo much love for my krista nee. i misss you sooo freaking much. god i hope my feeling is wrong. (i feel something bad is gonna happen, aka the m word) please let me be wrong. please. i miss you so much sweet heart. i love you with all my heart. always. krf <3.
music: straylight run - existentialism on prom night
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music: straylight run - existentialism on prom night
Friday, April 08, 2005
thursday has been thursday. now its friday. today will be a good today. thrusday sucked. thats all for that. today will rock my scoks. brett and hiw freinds, wydra is coming with anth, and some girls dont know who. its gonna rock. it better. i emailed frey. nothing back. thats all for now.....robot chicken is the shit. love for everyone. kkv krf <3.
music: say anything - track 8
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music: say anything - track 8
Thursday, April 07, 2005
today was today. ya.. it was stupid. none with either. i dont care. i just...dont care. fuck it. i should email frey. but i just dont feel like it. i just dont understand why she isnt online anymore?? what the fuck is she doing...i dont caree.....fuck it. brett called me. hes having women trouble. his is like despondent half the time. god, there all messed up. i should just email frey to say hi, just casue. just casue. i dont know. maybe tomorrow.........prolly not... im starting to not give a shit. but the sec i see one, i will. and then go through tthis shit again. yay for me. snaps for noone. love to some. who need it. love u. love you krista nee. miss ya. ALOT. a whole freaking lot. ilove you. now and always.
music: straylight run - play crack the sky
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music: straylight run - play crack the sky
Wednesday, April 06, 2005
i had a ugh day today. i slept like shit last nite. tho that is nothing no. no coverseing with either. boo. so thats that. i dont think there is much to say today. but i will or will not go on about how much i miss every little thing about krista frey. i just relized tonite like 5 mins ago, how much i miss just like sitting with her at her house and just being with each other, and holding hands and just feelig each other. it sucks. hopefully tomorrow i will talk to her and will have something to talk about in here. i really need to just see here, likie by myself. ya fuck it all. cant wait till friday. cant wait to see my krista nee. i know the next time i see her, im gonna hug her sooo close. and if i have any balls say something while its going on, like i miised you, or i wish i ...idk. something. but what woiuld be the point. ya. love you. love you krista nee. love everyone. snaps to say anything for giving me something to be happy about. oh and snaps to choclate milk. i miss you krista nee. i hope u had a good time singing tonite. please, please be online tomorrw nite, or beeter yet like call me, or SEE me. i miss you. i love you soooo much sweetie. kissses and warm hugs from ur kevy. i love you. krf <3.
music: say anything - track 3
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music: say anything - track 3
Tuesday, April 05, 2005
so ya today was indeed today. cool, but not really. had today, carolina tonite. they won. yay. cant wait till friday and brett. its gonna rule. didnt coverse with either. i really wanted krista nee to be online, but she wasnt. that made me sad. truley sad. but oh well, she wont be online tomrrow cause its tuesday and she goes to sing tuesday. suxs. alot. but ya. i got the vs. aids demos from say antyhing finally. took me long enough. but ya. i thinks thats all. not really much to say. hopefully some thing saturday with my sophmores, and then hopefully seeing my krista nee on sunday. if all goes to my plan, which it never ever does. snaps to kev and unc. love you. i truely do. love you krista nee. i miis you so much, i just want to hold you in my arms, so tight. love to everyone. love you krista nee frey. muah. hugs and kisses for u. krf <3.
music: say anything - but a fleeting illiness
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music: say anything - but a fleeting illiness
Monday, April 04, 2005
today was good. for 2 big reasons. reason 1 - HARVICK WON BRISTOL. so ya that is the freaking shit. i was sooo damn happy. harvick is god. plain and simple. reason 2 - i talked to my krista nee and the phone. so that was goood. i hadnt talked to her since tuesday. and it was 2 weeks and 5 days before that, that i had saw her. we couldnt go swimming today so that sucked. she couldnt go. i almost freaking creid when i found out. god i just wanted to see her and hold her in my arms. ugh. i havnt talked to kay in a week. and thats gay. its so gay. nuff with that. im reallly getting upset over the amount of time i get to spend with and just talk to frey. is so freaking little. if i see her, its never longer than like 1 hour. talking never more than 2. its gay. shes my best freaking freind, and some mother fucking asshole forbids me from seeing her. fuck you ed. i hope you die in a firey fucking crash. and burn to death. i dont feel bad saying that, cause that has pretty much been my life over the past months. it sucks that im happy over a 5 min convo with her over the phone. its like i cant even call her, he goes through her phone, FUCK YOU ED!!!!!!! you are such a terrible bf/father/person its not funnie. you dont desever the ground krista walks on. its that simple. and really noone sees this but me. ya amber would love for her to leave him and go out with me. ya, krista risks getting caught like still being involved with me, and she does it cause she loves me, but what has changed??? nothing. everything has just gotten worse. she has moved in with him, he wants to kill me, i want to kill him, and i see her less, and love her more. i cant keep this up..... i know. but, god, i just want to be with her sooo bad. if i didnt have such strong feelings for her, if i didnt feel that she was my soul mate, but i do, thats why i continue to put myself through this, cause i cant give up on her, i just cant. i cant. i wont. cause i know im just one "thing" away from getting her. and if i knew she didnt have the same feelings towards me. its still so messed up... but thats makes it fun. ill go another week living on the fact i may get to see her on sunday, knowing i wont get to. and i will die a little more inside. i need her soo bad. im a wreck w/o her. i just dont know why she is still like doing everything the same, idk.... whatever. its all gay. FUCK YOU ED. die. asshole. fuck off to alot of things. its really gay around here. i need to get out, if i cant save krista from him, i have nothing else here. salvaltion comes in august, if nothing changes. i hope it does tho. please let it chnage. PLEASE. i need it tooooo change. ya so love to everyone whos not a dick or an asshole, so like love to like 25 people. love u. and my krista nee....god i misss you so incredible much. please be on the internet tomorrow nite. please. please. and maybe something will change, maybe tonite amber will tell you something....idk....i love you with all my heart and soul. you are and always will be my everything. love you forever krista frey. muah. krf <3.
music: dashboard confessional - best deceptions
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music: dashboard confessional - best deceptions
