Thursday, March 31, 2005
today was a spring preview. yay for that. other than that. ugh. today was today. didnt see or comunicate with either of my kristas. ugh. other than that it was an ok day. my carrie is still safe and kicking ass on idol. snaps for the care bares. only talked to nick online tonite. he told me about the track meet, and he said that andys is gay and that grace is hot. lol. i tild nick about my convo with ed. he told me to try to get krista now, or its gonna be to late. *sigh* i dont know what to do. is soo confusing still. my room has smelled like popcorn for like 4 days now. im starting to get used to it. its cool. i miss both of them. i miss frey more than life it self right now tho. i just like need to hug her sooo bad. i havnt hugged her in like 2 weeks. i just need to feel her in my arms again. when we are toghter i feel safe and such. i need that feeling right now. casue i swear my body is like flipping out. at like 11 i got inclredable horny for some reason. and at midnite i needed a smoke soooo bad. so i had 1. only threee cigs in the past 3 months, tho they were one in the past 3 days tho. lol. i do that when i dont see frey. i literally freak out. mentally and physicall. i crave sex and nicotine for some reason. maybe if i dont see her for 2 more weeks ill crave the spice girls and frisbess. but now its sex and nicotine. oh well. i just feel so lonely w/o her. i know i always say it, but i saw her everyday. and i got use to that. and now i dont, and i cant handle it. it sucks balls. like andy. grrr. my life is shitty. and borning. i came up with the idea tonite that bloom needs to bulid an all purpose areana. for the bu sports teams, an af2 team, and seet concerts. that would rule the school. but no, its never gonna happen. i dont care. just like im never gonna be with krista nee. but i care. tho i saud yesturday i didnt. shes all i feel i have. i just want this to happen soooo bad. and the fact that ed is the biggest asss monkey on the face of the earht just makes thing more silly. i wrote my krista nee and poem. here it is. - when my day is dim, you are my light - when its looking down, you pick me up - when im so alone, your always there - you will allways be my number one - i love you so much, and more everyday - thank you for letting me be your honey.- ~ me. lol. its sweet i think. maybe i should give it to her. blah. i dont know. im like what ever any wants me to be, not what i want to be. i let everything controll me. i have no power in my life it seems. and thats not good. its just not. oh well, its been that forever and a day, why change it now. ya know. krista nee didnt email me back today. i figured she prolly wasnt gonna be online today. since her grandads viewing was tonite. and his funerel is tomorrow morning, and selfishly i hope that she is online tomorrow nite. fingures crossed. well, its 2, time for bed. kkv, love you. miss you. nite dear. krf, miss you like crazy, im so sorry about monday nite, about everything, i wish i was in your arms right now, its so unfair. i love you so much honey. sleep good. a goodnite hug and kiss from ur kevin. love you. love everyone.
music: the verve pipe - freshman
|
music: the verve pipe - freshman
Tuesday, March 29, 2005
im upset. ya so cuse was cool. my bday was ok. but last nite, i somehow talked to ed. and he said some very nice things to me. (sarcasm) and it fucking pisses me off. and its like in kristas email today, she was like not mad or anything, but just like it wont happen again. HE IS CONTROLLING HER LIFE. she is that last person i thought would let her self go through this shit. but i huess i was wrong. he tells her she cant see me, and she starting to like not. i use to see her every fucking day. now before 2day it was over 2 weeks. so just fuck it. i have waited around for her for well over 7 months now. and nothing has changed expetc me getting fucked with more and more emotinally. and i fucking cant take it anymore...I CANT. i guess i just see what me and my krista kay become. and if that doesnt work out. well, ill find somebody else. someone who treats me like frey, and has the life of kay. no kids and treats me good. thats all i can ask for in a girl. i cant keep doing this to mysself. brad is like trying to hook me up with steph. amber said that jillian mcgovern liked me or something. i can find another girl. prolly better off for me anyways. im done with this shit. im done. im so screwed up emotionally now anywasy, who is gonna want to go otu with me. i wouldnt at this point. i dont really care. i have other things to worry about. and im think om gonna concetreat fully on those things for awihle. i wish that me and frey would have worked out tho. it would have made me really happy. but, its just not in the cards i guess. soooooooo there. im moving on. its gonna be fucking hard. cause i know tomoorw, im gonna be right back to trying to get frey. casue i love her with all my heart. ............................ nite ...... love everyone. snaps for ed for fucking my entire life up. thakns. love you both. <3
music: blink 182 - all of this
|
music: blink 182 - all of this
Wednesday, March 23, 2005
so ya, things are ok with me and kay. thats that. i love her so much. thats that. today was today. yep. boring. its gonna rain today. ya. im bored. i didnt hang out with my girl tonite. that suxs. miss her alot. i emailed krista frey. she was out so i didnt talk to her. sad day. i told her in my email about me and kay, and sorta hinted that the only reason im with her is that im not with frey. ya. my eyes hurt. german miners are silly. maybe today will be good. hopefully. i like good days. brett had good news today. that made me happy for him. snaps for brett. ugh. i miss frey so much. if i dont see her tomorrow that would make it 2 weeks since i last saw her. thats sad. that would be the second longest span in 8 moths that i havnt seen her. sad face for me. send in the goons. lol. big musky is my hero. gosh im a silly kid. sometimes. i want to go clothes shopping bad. big muskys bucket wiehged 230 tons empty. big muskeys bucked could hold a marching band, AND IT DID! thats insane. oh jeez. well, im tired. syracuse on friday. yay. thinking about you two. miss you both. love you both. kisses for both. love for everyone. sleep quite my gental angels. kkv & krf <3. love you.
music: the academy is - attention attention
|
music: the academy is - attention attention
Sunday, March 20, 2005
so ya. this fucking is awesoem. she is fucking around on me again. how fucking fantastic. unfucking beliable. fuck her. fuck her. fuck her!!!!!!!!!! fuck nate for the way he treats amber. he is such a fucking asshole. god she deserves so much fucking better. it allll just fucking sucks. i texted my krista frey today. she called me back. she couldnt hang out today. so that made me even more sad. i dont know what to do. its all to much right now. fuck her!!!!!!!!!! fuck her for doing this to me again. its ffucked up. just fucked up. god i needed to see krista frey today. i wanted to see her, kiss her, fuck her. i dont know. i whish ambre would leave nate. we talked for like 4 hours last nite. she isnt happy at all with him. he treats her like shit. its all fucked up. she said how she soulhd have listen to krista and go with me. i knew that krista had told amber at least once to leave him for me. i knoew it. and ya know what. he is such an assss to her, i wouldnt feel bad about being with her. ya. fuck. god. is allllll FUCKED UP. so fucked up. im sooo fucking depresssed right now. again. how fucking great. just what i needed. and to think i thougth last year was the wrost bday ever. i just cant fucking wait for next monday. what another winner this bday is gonna be. fuck it all. nothing against my krista frey, but i will that the only person i can trust is amber. is allllll lfucked up. ya. fuck it allllllll. thank you for being my best freind amber. i couldnt live with out you. love you. i love you krista frey. i miss you soooo fucking much. i need to be with you now more than ever. ily...............krf <3.
music: who the fuck cares...
|
music: who the fuck cares...
Thursday, March 17, 2005
staying green for my irish brethern. keep it real. march madness. nuff said. i love to stare at brackets. well, today was you guessed it today. so ya. had today. nate called me, his dog died. that sucks. kay called me, we didnt hang out tho. that sucked. im tierd. dont know whats going on tomorrow nite. i want to partay it up with frank but i think im hanging out with kay instead. and i rather be with kay since i didnt get to see her today. my copmuter is still soundlees. that sucks big balls. i download the blue collar comedy tour. havnt been able to hear it yet tho. that sucks. im hungry. i want to go to taco hell, but im way to lazy to do that. i should go get my chips and cheese dip. that rules. ya, still havnt talked to frey this week. well shoul i say its been a week since we last talked. last thursday. when we had our talk about us and me buying a house and her moving in with me. ya. so. i miss her. i dont know why she hasnt been online. she said onn that thursday at the ho that her dsl was messed up, but that nite she was on, so i dont know. all i know is that i miss her. bad. i hope we have our sunday.but, im starting to think that its hopeless with frey. and i have kay, and i love her more than life. she means soo much to me. but i just cant get over frey. i would still do anything to be with her. but, what can i do. so ya. im hungry. reallly hungry. lol. i mean she must hav not even been online at all since well thursday. casue i sent my email on saturday which still has gone responseless, and i know that she would send me one back if i want on when she was on. and i have nothing. shit. hopefully saturday is cool. dont know what im doing but, i hope is just as good as last saturday, but without the emoitional morining. that was ruff. just the way ur mother likes it trebeck. uahahah. im silly. blahhh.....i feel like typing tonite. i cant beilev im 20 in a week and a half. wow. thats scary. maybe i will somehow still get my birthday meal from frey. i wnt with her when she was getting stuff to make ed his birthday meal in spetember i think. and she said that she would make me a bday supper on mine. god. all the memories with her. this is why i cant let go of the chance that we could still be toghter. cause we have such a great past. and we just get along so great. we are a perfect match. sweet. alll the memories. i rrember the first time she ever like did something to show she like me. i was on her couch and she layed on me. i was like wtf?? i didnt know what to do. nate was like pet her hair. of course that is what i would do now, but then i was a scared cat who didnt know what was going on. i dont rembere if i like her like b4 she started to show she liked me. i just cant rember. but i know that it didnt take me long to fall hard in love with her. seven moths ago tomorrow is the day i truley fell in love with her. 8/18/04. wow 7 months already. and i know before that i was in love with her. jezz. this sucks. i miss frey so much. blah......well, i gueesss that is it for tonite. i could defff. go on for awhile. but i wont. nite to my drinkers. love you all. nite to my kay kay. i love you hun. more than you know, more than i know. and the biggest and warmest goodnite to you. my krista nea. god i miss you. what have you been up to?? you forget about me??? lol. i know you didnt. god i wish i was with you right now holding you in my arms. i hope you know the next time i see you, i am going to hug you so hard. and im not going to ever want to let go. ever.i wish i had you. i wish we were us. so ya. goodnite sweetie. i love you krista frey. kkv<3. krf<3. :-*. kisses for you both.
music: yellowcard - rough draft
|
music: yellowcard - rough draft
Wednesday, March 16, 2005
save a horse, kill a lepracahun. ha, im a funny boy. ya. today was today. again. like always. its green casue its st. pattys day tomorrow. time to get drunk on green beer and watch basketball. sounds like day to me. i hung out with kay a little tonite. she acutally said i love you tonite so ya that was good. havnt heard that form her in awhile. i useally only her that from frey. speaking of frey, she hansnt been online all fucking week. wtf?? its starting to upset me. i miss her. she never calls me. its f'ed up. ya. hopefully tomorrow she is on. this isnt cool. so ya. ....blah. ya, no email back from her yet either. fucking sucks. if i dont hear form her tomorrow, ya she is getting another email. i actually gave brett the url for this so somebody might actually read it. lol. leave a comment if you read this!!! it would make me feel happy inside. ya. tourny time. lets go uk!! madrid. i want to see my krista frey. it sucks. i miss her sooo much. thank god i atleast have a picture now. i love kay, and want to spend the rest of my life with her, but i still love frey. and i need to try to see if we could be something, cause i know that she is my soul mate. and i have to try to give us a try. their after me lucky charms - haha i paid him 20 bucks to say that. fg. word. click. i need to hug frey. ughhhh. sunday better happen. we better go swimming sunday. and we better make out!!god that is gonna be so great. i will be soo like happy saturday nite. then scared on sunday likie i was before. but this time we will be kissing. yep. weeeeeel, i guess that is alll i can rant about tonite. i prolly could keep it going. but, ya. goodnite everyone. love you all. goodnite krista kay. i love you sooo much. nite krista frey. i miss you soooo fucking much. i need to see you and hug you and kiss you. i love you!!!!!!!!!!! love you both. kkv <3 krf <3. :-*.
music: sum 41 - were all to blame
|
music: sum 41 - were all to blame
Tuesday, March 15, 2005
wow, that took longer than it sould of. fuck blooger sometimes. its gay. but its the best one out there so. ya. purple people eaters. roar. today was again today. i did my thang. hung out with kay some this nite. it was fun. ya. got alot on my mind as always. im watching what dreams may come. i saw it once before at freys house. didnt watch it really tho. forgot what i did instead. thing played with the boys. i really really need to get my sound card fixed. ya i feel likie my computer is worthless if i cant listen to my music. i have download some hellogoodbye, some afs, and even some backstreet boys, and havnt been able to listen to it. fing sucks. i feel like a road trip. lol. with frey. that would be awesome. ya. today is wednesday. that means i get to talk to frey hopefully. hopefully. i nedd to see her. i miss her soo much. still havnt gotten an email back. she must not have been online at all this week so far. cause all i said was hi and told her some shit. nothing about us and such. ya. blah. i want her. im looking at her picture. she is so beatiful. god. she is perfect. then i look at kays picture and i feel the same freaking way. this is haard. really really hard. ya. so i guess that is all i have to ramble about. i keep having this dream i get my hair cut and then im sad its gone but relize it will grow back in like a month? its really wierd. i dont get it at all. ya, goodnite to everyone. love you all. much love to my krista kay. u mean so much to me. i love you with all my heart. and then theres my soul mate. my krista nea. god. i hope ur sleeping soundly right now. and i wish i was laying with you. i wish alot of things...i love you krista frey. you are my soul. my life. my everything. miss you. i love you with all my heart and soul. :-*. we will be doing that on sunday. for sure. and it will be great. i cant wait till sunday to kiss you. i love you krista frey. krf <3.
music: backstreet boys - incomplete
|
music: backstreet boys - incomplete
Monday, March 14, 2005
on golden pond. haha. today was today. yep. boring. i hung out with kay in the evening. it was fun. i missed her when she left so i must still love her. ya. i didnt talk to frey at all. and she hasnt emailed me back from the email i sent on saturday. i miss her too. im praying like crazy that she can go swimming on sunday. ya she better be able to go. nick called me tonite and he said he cant come on friday to party. but frank is prolly gonna show up. so im gonna ask krista to pick me up some mgd for friday. and ask her if she wants to or i should say can somehow hang out a little on friday. shit, nick said he could party on next friday, we are going to sryacuse next friday, lol, he is going to. lol. we can party when we get home i guess. i really hope that frey can go swimming on suday. that is what is keeping me going this week. i havnt talk to brett yet since he was been back from cali. talk to carl alot this week. ya, dont know why i said that. but i did. my head hurts. so huh. im tired. i think i need to make out with frey on sunday. i just need to kiss her. i need to kiss somebody. and who better than the person i want to spned my life with. ya. i also want to party. i want to get drunk. god, why didnt i parat last year. that was a waste.i was an ass. ya. blah. i almost want to email frey again. but, that would prolly seem over board. but ya, like i use to see her everyday, and now i dont. and it sucks. i miss her.alot. she told me the one time we were at walmart a little bit ago that she missed me and her hanging out at her house too. god. but ya. things are things. and thats that. my fucking sound card is blown thanks to scrap, that asshole. what the fuck. i cant listen to music. and im fucking pissed. i told my mom about ed being a fucking ass, and she was like reay to call child services and shit. i was like wtf. a little strong i thought. but. i feel the same way but. i feel like i cant to anything. but ya. i hope that frey doesnt go out tomorrow nite. and i hope i can talk to her. i wish she called me more. just to say hi and chat for a little. god that would me sooo much to me. ya. but. blah.....i guess thats that for now. nite my children. goodnite krista kay :-*. love you. goodnite you. lol. i love you soo much krista frey. you are soo great to me. and everything. you mean soo much to me. i love you krista frey. <3 krf.
music: hellogoodbye - dear jamie...sincerely me
|
music: hellogoodbye - dear jamie...sincerely me
funny. so ya. things are silly. who knows what either of them want. me and kay hung out on saturday and tonite. we had a great time on saturday. she started to actually act like she still loved me. on thursday nite frey says that things arnet changing. so ya. one sec shes happy the next shes not. i dont get. i am there both of them when they need them. not when i need them. i guess me and kay are hanging out tomorrow. yay. and i actually mean the happy yay. and hopefully sunday we are swimming with frey. so ya thats good. and i told nate and amber that i want to kiss frey on sunday. so amber will prolly tell frey that. so thats cool i guess. i love them both. and miss them both. ya, how many times have i said that. hopefully i willl see frey sometime befor sunday. i sent her an email on sat nite. havnt heard back form her. i serislouy dont think i could choose between them. so maybe this inbetween shit is ok. i still have both completly in my life and when we are toghter we act like bf/gf. so ya. maybe this is actually cool. i dont know. again i dont know what i want. unitll kay upsets me again and im completly after frey. sooo. who know. nite everyone. love you both. kisses for you both. love you kay. i love you krista frey. miss you. <3.>
|
Wednesday, March 09, 2005
today is a day that shall be rembereed maybe. i slept till like 5 cause im lazy and its spring break. ya. krista was on the internet for like 5 mins. the five mins i was off. she sent me a simple email in which she said so much. "yea!!! i am so glad to hear it. :) know what i'm talking about? love ya" well first i should say what me and amber talked about last nite. we talked about how krista would be with me if i had i house. so im looking for a house and job. and that is apperently what krista is talking about. so, the peices are finally in motion for me and krista to finally be toghter. wow. amazing. ya. sooooo, things are looking sorta like they are ok. if things actually work out, wow, i cant wait till she tells ed she is leaving him for me. wow. ya, he will prolly try yo kill me. so ya thats gonna suck. but i will be loving it. ya, she is actually gonna be happy. and so will i. now all thats left is for amber to leave nate. and life will finally be great. for everybody. but me and krista have alot to do. we need to do this toghter. wow. i cant wait to have the next convo with her. i know we will talk about us. god i miss her. and love her sooooooo much. i just cant believe things are starting to work out. we are gonna be toghter. we are gonna live toghter. i cant imagine how great this is gonna be. my life is taking shape. i have a family now. i have a family. wow. im gonna be so freaking happy. and it is deff. the best thing she can do for her and her kids. there not happy now. amber has told me about how "loving" ed is. and i could fucking kill him. she is soo not happy rite now. and i am what is gonna make her happy. wow is all i can say. i cant wait to start living my life. my life with her. i want to be with krista frey forever. and i know i will. this is soo great. yep. so i guess thats all for this fine nite. u. nite everyone. love to all. and my heart to you krista frey. i love you with all my heart and soul. you are what keeps me going. you are my everything. i love you. krf <3. :-*
music: dmb - when the world ends
|
music: dmb - when the world ends
Sunday, March 06, 2005
so ya, today was today. it was ok. hung with nater and amber all day. that is allways a good thing. found out that ambers family is looking at the house that is for sale one house down. that would be soo freaking sweet if they moved in there. that would be great. plus we went to the ho today so i saw my krista. but she talked to him fucking three times while we were there. right in front of me. i would never like talk to her in fornt of krista on the phone. does she not know how that made me feel. i felt like totally shit. its starting to get to the point where when he is metioned or shit, i feel like shit. i dont wont her with him anymore. i talked to her on the phone last nite. it was great as always. and of course we ended our convo with an i love you. tho i knew it was true, amber told me that she asked krista on saturday, why arent you with kevin, krista said, kevin cant buy me a house. so, she is useing ed for a house. when she fucking had her own house. god, this is sooo fucked up. ya, its time for her to finally stop fucking with my emotions. tell me what i need to do to be with you, and i will do it now. cause im fucking sick of you(frey) being with him, and im starting to get sick of being upset over her(kay). i emotionally cant take this anymore. you dont know who it feels when the women you love lives with somebody else, then talks with that other person on the phone in front of you, and says i love you to them. when, the women loves you more than the other person. its just fucked up. very fucked up. i have to tell her what i want for once. i want her, and i want her to tell me what i need to do to be with her. i miss her. i only said like three words to her today. i dont want her to be with him anymore. it hurts me to much. this has pretty much been going on for 7 months. and ya, i want her, or know that i wont so i can move on, with kay or somebody else. i cant handle this much more. god, even today in her ho shirt, she looked so fucking hot. shenhas just gotten so fucking much more beatifull lately. i mean she was always the cutest girl i have have seen. i love her sooo much. god. i hope to talk with her tomorrow, who me and kay are hanging out i guess, so i dont know if we will, i will prolly send her an email tomorrow. just to say hey and i will prolly be offline tonite. hey and maybe me and kay will do something tomorrow, highly doubt it but, i love her still. and prolly always will. but....ya. its all too much. i told amber that she should tell krista that she should dpend the noght with me. like tell ed she is staying over with amber and spend the night with me instead. i would love that to happen. i could just take her home real early and shit. but i would love to be with her all night. just lay in my bed toghter. prolly kiss, maybe fuck. but even better just be with each other and sleep. something i did with kay for like 10 mins in our entire relationship. and not even in my bed. ya that would be perfect. ya. it would. well, im tired. and i need to just like sleep for a long time. i miss kay. prolly more than i know. love you. i miss frey more. sucks that she is right now with ed. it just fucking sucks. i love you krista. i love you so much. i would do anything to be with you. i miss you. goodnite my love. hugs and kisses. say goodnite to my boys. i love you krista frey. krf <3.
music: jimmy eat world - work
|
music: jimmy eat world - work
Saturday, March 05, 2005
im here for the partay. my partay was great. so was my friday. its spring break!!! so friday. i talked to frey online in the afternoon. then she calls me, and says that she can come to the partay. to say i was happy was the understament of the century. i was the happiest i have been in months. then she calls me and says she prolly cant come. i was devestated at best. i think she could tell, i answered her call alll happy and stuff she says she cant come and i just go silent. i was soo freaking sad.so then nick and frank tell me that the girls want booze. and frank drank all the booze i had, so we had to get more. so when krista calls back, i ask her if she can hook us up, ans she says sure. so her bro picks up our booze and me and nick and frank go down to her house to pick it up. so she cant come the the partay, we bring the partay to her! she we get there and we hug. of course. the her bro and ang leave and we hug again. the we go hang out in the living room for a bit. frank reads eds playboy, nick plays with alton. and me and krista got to be toghter. god it was so great.the whole time we were toghter she was holding my hand and sitting like soo freakng close to me.and she just looked so freaking good last nite too. i mean she always looks great but last nite, god she was beatiful. when we left we hugged again of course and i just didnt want to let her go. i never want to let her go. but we left. i then talked to her online some more later on. and yesturday, we said i love you like 10 times. everytime we stopped talking to each other we said it. i know she means it like i mean it. you cant describe how great it feels to say thoose three words to her. then me and nick picked up steph and kristen. and when we got back me and krista sadi our goodnites. i hate saying goodnite to her. i wish i never had to leave her. but on to the partay. we were all in andys room watchin best of ferrell. and everyone was drinking. so i started as well. one hour later, im off my ass for only the second time. i was totally fucked. it was soo great. we were all fucked up, tho frank wasnt that bad tho he had 11 beers. i had 7 nick had 2 but polished off the rest of the captian. steph had 3 but three for her is like 11. she was soo freaking skinny. kristen had like 2, but i heard her say like 10 words the entire nite. tho she tlaked to nick alot, not to me and frank or steph. steph was really cool. and she was really hot. lol. so nick and kristan were in my room and me frank and steph were in andys room chillin watchin old school. we had a great time. plus being off my ass was great. woke up this morning fine but the hangover set in quickly. im better now but this moring mt head was killing me. plus it was soo nice to be drunk and not throwing up and sleeping with my head in the tolite. over all i found out the drinkikng+good friends=great partay. the eqation of life. so today im now all alone and bored. hoping to do something with nater and hamber. nate didnt call me at all friday, i called him like 5 times. but when i was at kristas last nite she called amber and amber says that he is in a pissy mood, what eles is new. so it prolly might have been better if krista could have stopped in for like some time but at least i got to be with her for the time i did. but i felt that her being here and away from her kids, she might have wanted to do a little kissing. you know. casue i want to. bad. plus im horny. really horny. i want to sleep with her soo bad. i want to marry her. yep. well great partay on friday. much love to krista nick frank steph and kristen for making my night great, oh love to the key light too. lol. well hopefullly i see my krista sometime this weekend or atleast talk to her. oh ya i actually talked to kay yesturday, we are hanging out monday. yay. sure. well, im gonna go. much love to everyone. u. and my krista frey. i love you so much. you are and always will be my everything. i love you sweetie. krf <3.
music: the spill canvas - so much
|
music: the spill canvas - so much
Thursday, March 03, 2005
today was an ok day. i saw the cup race since i missed it on sunday. kev had a great run. ended up 6th. moved up 13 spots in the points to 13th. so that made me pretty happy. im soo excited for the partay tomorrow. nick called me tonite and said that rance i guess told like everyone, but everyone is guys. so my nick came up with a great idea. cancell the partay. but actually have it. but with only me nick frank steph kristen and maybe another girl. so everyone is gonna think the partay is off. i wanted rance to come but he screwed himself. nick even came up eith the idea for me to tell andy that the partay was cancelled. i go andy tell nick the partay is off, im hanging out with krista frey. so andy is gonna tell nick its off and nick is telling everyone its off. but its sooo on. ahh life is great. lol. its gonna be an awseome partay. and maybe...ya know something could happen. deff. now since nick told me the girls are sleepping over. you never now. but on to my actall life. havnt talked to kay today again. i dont care. i talked to frey online tonite. it was great. we didnt talk about us. but on yahoo, there is these things that say something. and all the ones she sends me are like come do me. she wants me. i just hope that things start to work out between us and soon. i hope we go swimming on suday. for one i just want to see her, and i know that i will atleast get the affection i desire. plus i want to make out with her. and she wants to make out with me. so ya...i miss her. alot. i just swear i got a wiff of cigg.. smoke smell like she smells like. god, i never would have thought that smell could smell so sweet. i hope i do want i want to do, and the resutls are good this weekend. this should be an importatn weekend. yup...well...i guess that is all for this fine nite. nite my child. u. goodnite krista. i love you sooooo much. krf <3.
music: the spill canvas - your evil soul
|
music: the spill canvas - your evil soul
Wednesday, March 02, 2005
its an orange day. yep. sooo,today was cool. i talked to my krista frey online this afternoon. and it was bad then good. she says that her and ed are buying there house. three seconds later, she says shes happy but not and is imaging herself with other ppl (me). and then me and her and amber and the boys go to walmart. and of coures..we were us. i went to her house first and we huggged for a really long time when i got there. god. it was soo great. then at walmart she poked me and all her stuff she useally does and such. everything that i love. then we hugged when we left. i was just soo happy. i missed her soo bad. then tonite talked to her online for like 2 and a half hours. but didnt really talk about us. i was a little upset about that but its ok. this weekend i am asking amber alot of things. like what krista has told her about me lately. what she has told her about her happiness. if she wants to be with me. should i give her the letter i prolly will right tonite. its gonna be about me wanting to be with her now. i just have this gut feeling lately we are gonna be toghter. you know. deff. since she deff. isnt happy currently. ya. i want to go swimming sunday. i want to kiss her then. all these toughts in my head. i mean, i realize what a realtionship with her means. im like a dad, just like that. but, for the first time in a long time, i would be what i want to be, HAPPY. she makes me happy and i would give anything to be that. its all soo odd. u know. im 19. when i was 16, did i ever imagine what would make me happy bieng with some chick whos three years and two weeks older than me who has 2 kids. never. never in a million years. but, ya it happened. i hope that this weekend is good. it should be. partay on friday nite. hey, i know it wont but ...nevermind. i didnt talk to krista kay today at all. dont really care. i know i care way more about her than i let it seem, but, im staying strong for myslef. and concentrating on getting frey, not kay. cause i dotn have to do anything to get kay, i have to do alot to get frey. blah...yep. i wish that tonite me and frey would have talked about us. but her saying earlier that she is not happy. you know..i dont. this has been going on for like 7 months. and hasnt changed other than kay. i think its finally time for a change. im ready to not act like freys bf if im not with her. is just starting to really get to me. either we are freinds or lovers. non of this inbetween shit anymore. tho, pretty much our entire relationship is based on the inbetween shit. she has acted like this with me since day 1. if i wansnt confused and nervous i would have had the balls to do something about it. but i just didnt think she like really had real feelings for me. but she did. the whole time i questioned everything, she had real feelings for me. and i didnt know it. ya whatever...it is what is. she is my everything tho. and allways will be. i cant help the way i feel. and i love her more than anything. its messed up. this afternoon she seemed so like happy online and and walmart too. but online tonite, she didnt. she seemed dispondent. she wasnt very talkitive at all. i was prying to get something out of her but no beans. i know like its not me, but still i value the time we talk toghter so much, it sucks when i dont enjoy it. i miss her. alot already. i love you krista kay. i love you KRISTA FREY. more than you know. i miss you. nite my loves. nite children. ily...krf <3. :-*
music: matchbook romance - tiger lilly
|
music: matchbook romance - tiger lilly
Tuesday, March 01, 2005
today was today...so ya. blah. the highlight of today was my dream last nite. i was at some like flea market with krista frey, michael and alton. and we were shooping. and krista had alton, and i was holding micheals hand. and i was looking at us there, and i was thinking how great a family we would be. it was so great. so i got like real close to krista, and i just took her and kissed her. then we parted. then we kissed again really passoinatly. then again and again. it was just as how i want it to be. it was so great. god, was i pissed when i woke up. there is no possible way i am throwing away another chance to kiss her. i miss her. i havnt seen her in like a week and a hafl. this is the loingest i have gone in awhile with out seeing her. it fucking sucks. its not fair. i want her, and i want her now. i have finally figured out what i want. i want her. it is very clear in my mind. i wonder what it is like for her to know that i want to be with her soo bad, but im not. to know you have such power over someones emotions. ya. i know that very soon i am gonna be just very up front with her and say, krista, i want you, i want to be with you, i want to be your boyfreind, i want to live with you. i want you. we could make it work. i know for a fact. i need this now. now. for the sake of alot of things. i love her so much. its just so fucked up. very fucked up. my dream was so great. i just want to hold her in my arms right now. it sucks. i use to see her everyday. EVERYDAY. now, not even every week. why the fuck did she move in with ed. she waited like almost a week before she told me. she knew that i wasnt gonna take that well. why did god put her in my life if i cant be with her. its just not fair. im this close to being with me. yet soooo fucking far. i miss her house. i mean, the memories are starting to fade. i forget that i spent soo much time with her. now i dont. everyday from july till 2 days before me and kay started, i wanted by the phone wishing she would call. she was evevything. 8/18 the day i truley fell in love with her. i loved her before that but on that nite, i was head over heels in love with her. i knew then i wanted to be with her. we watched domestic disturence, but i didnt really watnch any of it. it was the first time we held hands and like just rub are hands on each other. it was so great. that nite when i lefft, i hugged her soo hard in th kitchen and said to her, i have to leave, i dont want to, but i have to. i almost kisssed her that nite. y didnt i? why didnt i do alot of things differnt with her over the summer. maybe if i did things would be differnet. she has said to me, she thinks alot about if we would have ended up togther. she also has imagine me in bed. i need her, right now more than ever. i need her. god. i rember one nite i went to get subs at berringans and we hugged in her kitchen like for 5 minutes before i left. i mean, i was only gonna be gone for like 10 mins if that. she loves me as much as i love her. i need her now. i need her now. I NEED KRISTA FREY NOW. i miss her. soooo fucking much. she is such a great person. she is exactly my type. she acts how i need a gf to act. the whole hands on me thing. i need that. plus, she is the hottest girl on this earth. period. she is my perfect girl. ahhhhhh.... everything i say lately i have already said. i just need her. she must be out to the bar tonite. she wasnt online. she useally goes out on tuesdays. i need to talk to her tomoorw nite. and maybe i will saw the whole swimming thing. and i would love if she said y do you want to go. and ya... plus let tomorrow by what i need it to be. i need it. i need her. more than i know. yep. well its fg time. goodnite kiddes. love for everyone. kisses for you. and all my love to krista frey. i love you sweetie. more than you could ever know. allways in my heart. krf <3.
music: dixie chicks - godspeed (sweetdreams)
|
music: dixie chicks - godspeed (sweetdreams)
