Monday, August 30, 2004
well holy shit. my final week of summer was all i could have wanted and so much more. everyday i was with krista. and we had such a great time togehter. wednsday, thursday, and friday, were all useally days. when we spent allone time togehter we were holding on to each or hugging, or something. and everytime that i left, we shared a long hug and swaped kisses in the check. then came altons b-day party saturday. i got there around 4. krista and i hugged shortly when i arrived cause ed was there. we had a couple of moments allone during the party. in which she was poking me or tickling or somtething. then ed left to go play pool with a buddy and that left me and krista with som time togehter. tho nate and amber and beth were still there. we spent most of the time outside and krista was sitting on my lap an her legs were all oner mine and i kept rubbing her arm. it was soo great. but then ed got back and of course our time ended. nate and amber left as did beth. so it was just the three of us. we spent alot of time outside talking. ed had to go in to do something and now the fun begins. we were talking or something and she metioned that she had a question to ask me but didnt have the balls to ask me. i almost said something, but i didnt, then she said how she would be sitting on me if ed wasnt here, then we held hands for a sec and squeezed our index fingers together like they were hugging then ed came back out and we had to quickly break our grip. that was the first time that we ever almost got caught by ed doing something. i left in another hour or so and not much really happened rest of the night. but i had some ammo. her saying that she had a question but didnt have the balls to ask me. i could whipp that out at any time and see what i got in response. now to today. it pretty much sucked. i was all in a shitty mood since iomm going to school tommorrow and my mom could tell i was upset and i was saying how i didnt want to go back and she ask y and i said i dont know i just dont. not telling her the truth that it is because of krista, tho she might know, but i dont think she does. at around three i called krista and left her a message telling her my number for up at school and that i would see her later. i guess when she got home she just looked at her caller id and saw i called and called me back not noticing i left a message. if she would have saw that i left a message she might not have called me back. but she did, and we talked about our day and shit and we ended up not saying anything for a sec or so and i then go the balls and asked her what she wanted to ask me on last night, i guess she was outside with angela and didnt want to say anything infront of her and she sadi that she remberes and tho she didnt want to say. and in a sec or say she got inside and asked me what i thought of her. i said that i loved her and thought she was a great person, she said thanks, i was almost upset that it wasnt something more. tho just a minute later she said that she wanted to right me a letter cause she can say more stuff on paper than actalluy saying it, and asked me if i would right her back. and i said of course i would. then we talked for a liitle bit more then she had to go but oh she said earlier that she needed to go to get a showere but she didnt want to stop talking with me and i was soo happy to hear her say that. now it was time to go and she said i love you and i said that i love you too and then we each said bye. that was the first time that we shared and i love you like that. i was in heaven and still am. i cant wait to see her wednseday. and i am soo freaking ready to read her letter. i can only imagine what it will say. i will prolly be soo happy and shit to read in her words her fellings for me. it is going to be a crazy week. i love you krista!!!! you mean everything to me!!!! i love you so much!!!!!!!!! later dayz, salut.
music: hearing krista say i love you
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music: hearing krista say i love you
Tuesday, August 24, 2004
ok, im gonna say that i know that krista has to like me like me. tonite, for what i was expecting was excellent. i saw my krista!!!!! it was only for about 2 hours but they were great. pretty much the entire time we were together, i was holding on to her, and she to me. the details: i got there about 8 or so and sat on the coacha nd she quickly came over to sit with me. we were close to each other but really didnt touch alot. then we went to pick up angela, and on the way home we held hands like the whole time. we got home and we didnt really do much and nate and amber left. then we went outside and then fun began. of course i sat down and krista sat on me and she told her war stories of having her kids and while she sat on me her hand was rubbing the inside of my thigh inside my shorts and she was going pretty far, i mean pretty far. then she was ready to go to the bar so it was time for the hug and it lasted a long time, we just hugged forever, the she kissed me and i kissed her, and i rubbed her back and she said that she better leave before she doesnt want too. pretty soon she wont be leaving. then as we started to let go of the embrace both of our hands stayed locked and i held on for another second or so, i just didnt want to let go. i get to she her tommorowmornig when we go out to the hi-ho for breakfast. but ed will prolly be there. i want her more than ever. she is the greatest person to ever come in my life. tho right now she is at some bar, getting drunk and prolly flirting with other guys. tho i can hope she is not. i wanther more than ever to be mine and mine alone. she has to know that im so freaking in love with her, she just has to. i hope that i can come over tomorrow. oh i love being withher so much. i dont want to go to school. i want to be with krista. i have to make some sort of push this week and weekend so i can be with krista for real. ahhh i hope tomoorw wil be amazing. i love krista soo much. i love krista!!!! later dayz, salut.
music: (again other that hearing krista) big & rich - love train
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music: (again other that hearing krista) big & rich - love train
Monday, August 23, 2004
where to begin. these past few days have been so great, yet so terible confusing. i couldnt be closer with krista, and yet, im number 2 as for now. on saturday it was the first time that i almost felt like we were hiding a more serious relationship from ed. i was with krista all afternoon and we were r=togther on the couch doing our now usally hands all over each other, and i was just in heaven. then ed got there so i left the couch and went over to the chair, and say vout 15 minutes later michael walked around the corner holding a hammer, and i saw him first so i got up quickly to of course get it away from him and krista came out behind me, and i thought it was to well i dont know what for but all she did was hug me in the kitchen for a couple oif seconds and she went back in. she had come out just to hug me. while ed was in the living room. that made me feel so good inside. but then the rest of the night she was laying with and being with ed. till i left when she came out to say goodbye to me, and we hugged and she tickled my ass. its more confusing than ever. and yesturday, i really didnt see her that much, by the time she b=git bakc form work she was ready to go to the bar plus i think she was staying over at eds. but we in a 4 minute span hugged held hands, hugged before we went outside, then while out side we hugged for like 3 minutes, and then wee kissed each other on the cheek. then as we walked away from each other we did one of those hands go down the amrs the act like they dont want to let go. i eont think i can survive being at schooland not seeing her at spans of up to 4 or 5 days. its been like 14 hourse today and im about to go crazy, nothing at all intertests me. i have being pacing around doing nothing except being bored and watchin the boring olmpics. and i think it was friday or saturday we were out side and with amber and alton, and amber and alton were playing in the yard and krista was sitting on me and rubbing her hand on the inside of my thigh up my shorts and i was rubbing her ass with my hand. i mean freaids dont do those sort of things. i think from talking to amber that if i wanted i could have krista to myself. amber said that she would break up with ed to be with me. i just hope that that is true. i have to make my move with in the week so i can have her before school starts cause then im faced with a sort of the same prob i had with amber, not being there and ed being there. pray for me. i love you krista! so much!!!!!!
music: (other than hearing krista's voice) something coprorate - konstantine
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music: (other than hearing krista's voice) something coprorate - konstantine
Thursday, August 19, 2004
it was all i wanted and so much more. i love you soo much krista!!!!!!!
music: hearing kristas voice (how sappy can i get) :)
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music: hearing kristas voice (how sappy can i get) :)
Wednesday, August 18, 2004
though it took till almost 4 till my day started, it was weel worth it. hung out with nate and amber till bout 8 then went down to the hi-ho with them to see krista. she looked so happy to see me, that look she gave me when she first saw me made my day. i felt great. though as almost on que, the phone at the hi-ho rang and it was ed for krista, its like god is there just playin with my emotions, it sucks. though the best news of the day is that im going over today in the afternoon and prolly minus nate and amber, i just want to be with krista. o and i for got to say something bout the last friday, at one point when i was the only one there with her, she came in with a reeses peanut(haha thats me) cup and she put it in my mouthand her fingers touch my lips. o i was in heaven. i just hope that this afternoon is great. on the way home tonite, i guess i should say first that if nate wasnt a dick and pretty much not like krista anymore i would be there right no watchin a movie with her, and hopefully in would have been minus ed and she would be all sungled up with me :). back to on the way home tonite nate says "peanut, if u wanted to u could prolly get in kristas panties, u would be like krista i want in ur pantiea, she would say o peanut i just creamed in my panties" something like that. so i dont know if that is something she has said to nate or amber or the fact that it is prolly balitnly ovbious that i act soo freaking in love with krista whenever im with her and he can see that. i would geuss he can tell that im in love with her, tho i know she has talked abour being with me with amber before, aging fuck the three day window. ahhhhh. im so cunfused. a brillant dance where nobaody leads at all.....noboday leads at all. im listeng to dashboard if ya cant tell. hey like i have said so many times before maybe ed will do something stupid tomorrow, i wonder if krista can tell that im in love with her, i dont know what to say to that remark, its like i hope she does and i hope she doesnt, i hope she does in case there is a big part of her that feels that same way but if she doesnt and she feels that her and ed have some sort of fucked up family to have in the future and i will became just a faded memoery, ok i cant fatham not being kristas life in some sort of way, if it even is just friends, she is such a beautifull person inside and out. i guess its time to turn the tv off and chris carbaara;s insightfull lyrics off too, so i can lay in the silence and think about krista, and my future with her, and this afternoon, god i hope that when i type in here tomoorw i have some excellent news to report, god i hope sooooo. goodnite everyone, sweet dreams krista. i <3 u!!!later dayz, salut.
music: maroon 5 - she will be loved (me and kristas song :) )
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music: maroon 5 - she will be loved (me and kristas song :) )
Saturday, August 14, 2004
lets just say that right now im in such a freaking good mood. was home byself till about 2 when nate and amber got here. we hung around the house till bout four when we went to kristas. go there and of course i was happy. then nate was a dick and didnt want to go with krista and amber to the mall so i stayed with nate. then krista and amber got back round 8 and we had supper, and the kids went to bed. wow i useally can make my daily activities sound exciting but tonite i seem to just list event and time, just to let ya know the best part is yet to come. so then nate and amber had sex and after that he wanted to leave and krista said to me that i should come back. so i left with nate and amber, got home and went right back to kristas. we laid on the couch togehter and watched angel eyes. i was just soo at peace and feeling of such serinty, in was unreal. then ed called to burst my bubble and remind me that she is with another man. but she didnt talk that long and then we watch the news together on the floor. after that i went out with her for a smoke and, well the entire night just got along so good, i found out she has a twin bro, thats cool. and then we had a great hug that lasted for like seemed hours, and i left. im so confused. she is sending me such freaking singals that she wants me but she is with ed. i dont get it, because she has to notice that she is pulling at my heart strings the way we act togehter. i just wish that timeing would have been on my side and that i was there in the three day interval that she was single, cause i know i would be with her now. when i first started going to kristas, i never would have imagined i would be in love with her. i guess she actually made me fall in love with her by the way we act toghter. i would never make like advances at her cause shes with ed and i respect that. i could or would never intaiate a fuck up in somebadys relationship, tho i would go as far as she wanted to go. and i most certinly have so far. i already miss her so much and i have only been gone for about 20 minutes. and i prolly wont she her tomorrow aka today seeing its 1 am, since amber is watchin the kids at her house tomorrow and then krista is having a bday party for her older bro at nite then prolly out with her sis. tho somehow she was talking like i would be there sunday and i think she said that leeann was watching the kids, not amber. but i will call her sometime this weekend for sure. i only have 2 full weeks till im back at school, and then i will go at dtreches of 5 days in a row and not seeing her, i dont think i can handle that, seeing as i welling up in the eyes thinking that, its going to suck. tho i guess i can say overall this summer has been the best ever. spening almost the entire summer at kristas. it has been great, seeing as i expected to spend summer locked up in my room and playing ps2. im tired, off to dream about my krista, goodnite, i love u!!!! <3, later dayz, salut.
music: taking back sunday - new american classic
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music: taking back sunday - new american classic
Thursday, August 12, 2004
had a great day today. in the morning went shopping with mom and andy. then had about 1 hour of alone time(just the right amount of time) and then went to kristas for awile till nate and amber and bobby showed up. i had such a great time with krista. she was like all over me. i think like the whole time i was there she was either laying on me or hugging me or holdeing on to me. and yet she is still with ed. i dont know why. we get along together sooo good. we are like a perfect freaking match(again i rember alton and michael) but i love them soo much that i could do what i could do. i mean our current sutiations couldnt work, or we could make them work. and me krista and amber like soo have like that esp shit cause i just know excatly whatever the other is thinking. the three of us have such a special relationship. and as i spend more and more time with krista and amber, i see that nate can be such an ass. i mean he is my best freind, but the way he sometimes act and/or treats krista and amber makes me sick. i ask myself all the time how amber is still with him. im mean today, like the second nate went out to show bobby something, amber and krista talked about how he like yelled at her today and told her to not talk to her the rest of today(RUBBERBAND MAN!!!!!) and krista thinks she should break up with him. then at my house tonite she tells me that he called her a mother fucker, over what i dont know. oh and at kristas she said that he would never pop the question till she was like 21 or hed coulkd trust her, then he said so i guess that wont be till yer 27. so i dont know what to think. its crazy. at this point i wish i could just move in with krista tommorow. she said earlier today when we were leaving that she diddnt care about bobby(who she souldnt since bobby has only been there like twice) or nate, just me and amber. again with the krista not supporting nate. she has know nate for like 4 times the amount of time that i have. and yet im the one that she cares about. i just dont see why people are nasty to each other, life is soo short just be happy. its been like months since i have been geniuly pissed offed. and i never have been pissed at any ever my freinds, ever. they mean way to freakingmuch to me to be mad at them . i mean nate doesnt even want amber to like stay at kristas anymore. i think krista thinks tho she has never told me, that she wants amber to break up with nate and go out with me. tho krista i think deep inside is in love with me. i now she loves me, but i think there is a part of her that fells so safe with me and is in love with me. i just hope somehow i can get her to oopen that part of her up. i feel so safe and secure and happy being with her. i know this is the most over used line ever since jerry maguire but she completes me. its such a great feeling i get being with her. blahh, i guess i better get to bed so i can get up tomorrow so i can get to kristas, and maybe today ed will do something stupid, and i will get to be there to comfort the love of my life.later dayz, slaut.
music: maroon 5 - she will be loved
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music: maroon 5 - she will be loved
Wednesday, August 11, 2004
holy shit i am tired. i have goteen bout 2 hours sleep in then last 2 days. i am barly alive, yet i still dont go too sleep and i sit here at 1 30 in the morn and write in my blog. oh well, i am like so slepp deprived this summer, i dont think i wil ever be the same again. i havnt seen my krista nate and amber in likke 2 days and im about to go crazy, at least i have talked to krista. they are my life. i miss my boys too. it will suck soo much being up in school and not seeing my new family for like 5 days on end. i will most certianly go insane. its weird, nate and amber had this other life that wasnt with me, and all of a sudden i was in it, and i am soo glad that they let me in to there lives in soo many ways. nate doesnt relize how lucky he is to have such a great girl and person in amber. i miss krista!! this sound erily familier to what i was saying about my amber earlier in the year. oh well. oh i forgot to tell you that im also in love with mary-kate olsen. just letting ya know. bobby is going back to clemson on friday and that sucks ass. time is moving too quickly. its like i thought i had alot of freinds from high school but it turns out i got like 3 from my actally class. nate bobby and becky. plus my krista and amber are about the only people im close with. but i love all of them soo much it is more than just a freindship. it is family. we haver gone through more toghter than more regular family. maybe ed will do something stupid today, i can sorta hope cause i hate seeing krista in pain and she has gone through sooooooo much more than what any 22 year old should ever. i love soo much. blahhh.....well i will prolly go lay and think about some shit....later dayz, salut.
music: ashlee simpson - shadow
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music: ashlee simpson - shadow
Sunday, August 08, 2004
wow.....ya im still alive. and my summer vaction is ticking away........psu is on the horizon. life has changed sooo much for me since i lasted posted back in june. my big thing with amber is over. it was fun while it lasted. im still best friends with nate and amber and they have pretty much became my family. plus krista and her kids. whomi now am i think in love with, tho my luck, three days after she broke up with her husband she started going out with ed. and nate and amber were out of town and this was before i was real close with krista and before i even knew that there was an open window actually before i wanted to go through the window, it was closed. we get along sooo good together. and unlike my thing with amber, i see krista pretty much everyday, that was the one thing that was my downfall with amber. but she was 16 and a soon to be junior in high school. krista is a 22 year old working for like mimium wage at the hi-ho, 2 kids, 2 divorces, 2 different babies daddies, on welfare, all the other broke ass government help, and involved with ed. but i know she has flirted with me soo much and i have back. i have already speant 2 nites over at her house. which is rented for 400 bucks a month that she only has to pay 57 bucks a month. (i know where the tax money goes now) oh did i sayh she has 2 kids. i mean holy shit. what kind of suition i think i could get myself into. (nates) amber has told me that if she didnt have kids she would go out with plus if she thought her thing with ed wasnt going anywhere. so that afferms my thoughts that she does in fact in some light see her self some how romactic involved with me. she has 2 kids!!! tho i love them seeing as me and amber have like baby sit them everyday the whole summer. maybe thats y i am even having these fellings about her, i know and love her kids. they fell like mine and antes and ambers kids seeing as we prolly have watched them more than krista(a nother post to come, its a very long......long story)im tired . just wnted to let ya know im still alive, hey the ruberband man is on!!!!!!! i still love so much rythm grace and devinger from 1 man...later dayz, salut.
music: big & rich - save a horse (ride a cowboy)
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music: big & rich - save a horse (ride a cowboy)
