the opposite direction

this will prolly be the final post of the month of may. off to the first summer month of june and the countdown is on till sohpmore year at psu. yippie. ahh friday nite was great. out with nate and amber and as always had a great time. had fun walking up through town. allways a great time with the two best people on the face of the earth. then slept at home friday nite and then played baseball with the bros freinds on saturday then up to the pops were i currently am. then on saturday out bowling with brett. had a great time but i got my ass royale kicked. going to see the horrible day after tommorow with brett and nathan on monday. today other than racing sucked. bired out of my mind and absoultly nothing to do. ahhhh i need to scream. as all my posts always do, time to get to my amber. had an awesome convo with her on thiursday nite well into friday morning( talking with brett now and day after will now be on thrusday with brian and nathan plus maybe something with brett tommorow)and all i can say is i love her soo much. ahhhh y the hell couldnt she have gone to central and i would have seen her like everyday over the last umteen yeaars and she would have been my girl for like ever. ohhhh y does god do this stuff to me. make me think i have something only to take it away when i grasp for it. after seeing nate and amber together on friday it just really hit me of how alone i fell like all the time. amber said that sh would be coming down for a weekend somtime soon so maybe then she will have given up on this jeremy dude and i will come a wishp her away to a very happy ending. i sucks its like i sorta of wish that she ends up heart broken over this dude so that i can come into the picture. i never would have thought that i would have fallen foe her. its so crazy. and to think stanko has had a b/f for like a year and i dont. what the fuck is wrong with this picture? if life was ment to make sense, i must have missed the memo. im starting to wonder if i will ever get someone in my life that i can give my heart to. i pray everyday that i will and soon for my sake cause the depression is getting deeper everyday. tho i never act like it i am prolly the most depressed person in the world. you know u must be when u can relate to everyword in adams song. tho not a single person i know would say im depressed. i am always like happy and shit and maikng jokes and stuff having a great time but inside im dying all the time. i need a change, a big change that is for the better.hopefully this summer i finfind my shining star. well im off. see ya in june tho watch i will be back tomm.later dayz,salut.

music: avril lavigne - slipped away

summer!!! indeed i missed the soo. i am lovin it. sleppin in and bull shittin all day and doing nothing. relaxing rules. ohhhhh as you can see my amber has gotten her own blog now tho it is on an inferrior site ( blogger rules!!!!) and she has dumbed the dude she was with and is trying to get the dude she works with. there is just no possible way of me with my current sutiantion of ending up with her.im am not with her day in and day out like these other guys are. so i cant not be able to develope the pre exsiting freindship that leads to something more real. plus her profile and away messages the past few days have seemed that she is sooo freaking depressed and she always puts on such a strong upfront that she rarely lets someone see the indside that is hurting soo much. i just wish she knew that iam here for here and would never do anything in my life that would make her feel the way she is feeling about the othere dudes right now. i dont knnow hoe people can cheat on someone and shit. you have to love the one our with and how could u possible hurt them like that. i know that i never could. god(ok im being selfish comin up)i am such an understanding good person y am i still single.. ant girl would be sooo freakin luckly to have mee. i understand shit so much better that anyone eles in this stupid world. and when i get pissed in like 3.2 seconds im laughing at it. u got to know how to forgive and forget or u will kill urself inside. i just dont want to add amber to the list of names the could have been. i need someone(amber) and i need her now!!! iam soo sick of being alone. my three best friends have somebody nate has amber aber has nate and bobby has stef back in sc. i need to feel how the feel and i need to feel it soon. movin on you can also see a link to evan rachel woods website is now gracing the pages of my blog. she is the best actress ever. and other than amber the most beautiful person on this earth. she is sooo great. if there is one person that could take ambers place in my life how i wish it could be evan. shes GREAT. oh i just love her. only two weeks to the beach. i wish i was about to say amber was about to be mine and just now it has hit me again how much it fucking sucks she is not comming with me. this was gonna be me becoming something bigger than life. god dammit this was gonna be great(cryin as i type). y? i miss her....its 1am time for bed. goodnite amber..im with you!!later dayz, salut.

music: avril lavigne - how does it feel

ohh, im sorry there hasnt been a post again in like 2 freaking weeks, but hopefully im back and posting like every other day like i shoulde. i like the new interface of blogger, a freash new look. my freshmna year of college is OVER. and summer is here. im soo happy. tommorrow im going to the red barons game with brett and nathan from loom. im happ to see them but i wont be able to go out with nate and amber and bobby was prolly gonna go with us to soo that sucks. seeing as nate and amber our my best freinds and the main reason that im still here today. hopefully wed all can go out on saturday instead. ohhh to the case if my amber, im pretty sure in the last month she got a b/f but telling from some of here away messages she hasnt had a good relationship sometimes. and lasat nite we had a great convo and ageain i realized that she is the perfect girl and the "one" for me. plus she now isnt going to the beach with us. lets just saying hearing that i almost lost it and jumped off a bridge. goood that was going to be the week that forever chasnged my life. i just hope i spend alot of time with her in person this summer. and maybe one day soon she will be mine. tell then i will wait for the day when i will be truly happy in my life. i will be back later this weekend. oh why the hell does gas cost 2 fuckingt bucks a gallon? i dont get it. it fucking sucks.

music: new found glory - all downhill from here

welcome to may. yes my freshamn year is alomst over at penn state. only 4 finals left. wow does time fly. meanwhile back in my world i havnt talked to amber in like a week and i miss her so whats new. i guess. had a fun nite with nate no amber she was sick. so me and nate baby sat krista and ryans kids alton and micheal. omg they are just sooo freaking cute. they sorta make ya wanna have kids. though knowing that in 4 hours you go hame and dont have to change diapers or woory about them. soo how knows what the fuck im thinking right know. right now i wish i was just sitting on the beach in totall darkness with my amber and we were just sitting there in each others arms listing to the waves. iam tierd its almost 1am saturday morning. just wanted tell you that im still alive. ill be back later this weekend. prolly after the race on sunday.later dayz, salut.

music: brand new - me vs. maradona vs. elvis